final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
