tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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