It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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