hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
