Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
