it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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