mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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