No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
