bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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