Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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