All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Terrible idea I love it
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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