he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
