There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
