I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
