i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
