ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
