I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
