ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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