I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
