I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
