a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
not ubering you a puppy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
