I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
