According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
