Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think my vagina is haunted
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
