last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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