I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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