i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
