sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
