I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
