Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
