I'm jealous of your bromance
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
