Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
