let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
