i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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