You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
