so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
