I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
