Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
