Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
