One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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