Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
