I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
