im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
