you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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