drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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