My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
