we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
