no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
