yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
