If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
